


And that's the thing about Illicit affairs..

by mprods



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Discussions of Grooming, Other, Sexual Abuse, Shameless season 11 fill in, TG MENTION OF IAN AND KASH, canon related events, canon related language, shameless season 11, shameless season 11 fix-it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:28:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28669230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mprods/pseuds/mprods
Summary: Lip can't stop seeing the parallels - the similarities between what happened to a teenaged Tami and what happened to a teenaged Ian. He needs to talk to him.-Ian doesn’t want to think about everything that Lip said. He can’t.But he does..-Or the one where Lip talks to Ian about Kash and Ian makes some important realizations..(11 X 4 FIX-IT/FILL-IN)
Relationships: Ian Gallagher & Lip Gallagher, Ian Gallagher/Kash Karib, Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Comments: 17
Kudos: 204





	And that's the thing about Illicit affairs..

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically what I wish happened in 11x04..

The Gallagher house is tense tonight. Which makes sense, how could it not be? With the Milkovich as neighbors, or better yet (but actually much worse), the ANNOYED MIlkovich as neighbors. The ones who now feel like they have to be at their very worst behavior, just to prove a point, just to prove they can be. That no one can stop them, certainly not Frank Gallagher.

So yeah, shit’s tense. 

Ian is trying not to focus too much on that particular nightmare though, he’s trying to let go a little - has too much to worry about as is. Plus, he had a few wins today. 

He stopped Mickey from carrying around an illegal firearm, for example. _Thank fuck._ Kept Mickey staight (ironocally). Got an actual job prospect.

This security gig shit still scares him, makes him feel like they’re tiptoeing on the ledge. The lines too blurry. But Mickey had a point, weed _is_ legal now. The profit that comes from that is legal too, right? Maybe this was the universe giving them a break. a chance to get some real, clean money.. If it works, they’ll have enough to move out in no time, get a slightly less shitty apartment on their own 

It’s what Ian’s wanted for so long..

**  
At around 9pm that night, Ian and Mickey are in the living room. Both men sprawled out on the couch, each with a bottle of bud in hand. They’re re-watching The Black Panther with Liam - who’s made himself comfortable on floor, his back resting on the sofa’s armrest, fully into the movie playing in front of him. 

Only Ian’s not really watching, so when Lip walks through the door with Freddie’s stoller, it catches his attention. 

“Hey Lip.” he greets, sitting up a little to get a better view of the man. 

“Hey.” Lip says with a noncommittal nod while seemingly checking if Fred’s asleep. 

He is. 

“Hey Liam, you mind turning that down a bit?” the young father asks, bringing the stoller around closer to their youngest sibling. “Fred fell asleep on the way over.”

“Sure.” Liam shrugs, already fiddling with the remote.

“I’m gonna grab a smoke. Call out if he fusses, okay?” Liam just shrugs again, his gaze still fixed on the tv.  
“I’ll go with you.” Ian calls out softly to his brother, downing the rest of his beer before shoving MIck’s legs off of his own.

***

From the back porch they can hear the Milkovich ruckus as clear as day. 

“Shit. Milkochies already started their ragers, huh?” Lip asks as he fishes out his pack of smokes. He’d promised Tami he’d stop smoking, and he will, just not tonight. 

Ian hums.

They’d talked briefly about his family’s new neighbors. The news shared on the family group chat. Ian had also texted him privately, telling him to keep an eye out for stray bullets if he was planning on bringing Fred around.

Lip hands a cigarette over to his brother and lights his own up, passing the lighter when he’s done. 

“Where’s Tami?” the redhead asks after blowing out some smoke. 

“Home. Taking a bath.” Lip knows this isn’t his story to tell, but ever since meeting that fucking creep, and hearing Tami call what they had a “relationship”, he couldnt stop thinking of Ian. “She um.. Wanted some alone time, you know? To relax, unwind. So i told her I was gonna stop by the house, check up on you bozos.”

“Got it.”

The both of them smoke in comfortable silence for a bit, while Lip tries to work out what the fuck he’s doing. He isn’t great at beating around the bush, but he knows his brother - knows how cagey he can be, especially when someone wants to talk about something from his past, his personal life. He’s been this way all their lives, and while Lip knows he’s able to break down some of Ian’s walls, it’s still always a shot in the dark. 

“So um.. You know how I told you we were going out to meet Tami’s old teacher today?” he tries, taking a seat on the back steps. 

“Yeah. How’d that go?” his brother asks as he sits next to him.

“KInd of a shitshow actually. Turns out they’d been together while Tami was still a student.”

He doesn’t look over to Ian, keeping his eyes fixed on the darkness of their yard.

“Shit..” he hears his brother say.

“Yea. Fucked up thing is, she thought it’d been a relationship. That he saw her, or some shit. That he wasn’t just some pervert taking advantage of a kid.” 

“Oh..” 

Lip thinks maybe Ian is connecting the dots now, but his mind’s already made up so he just goes on. “But then she found out he’d preyed on other girls. All underage. And some shit started clicking..”

Ian remains silent, but Lip can tell he’d turn to face him now. 

“Tami’s mom died when she was pretty young so their sister stepped up, helped raise them. Her dad had a lot on his plate. And Tami’s the middle kid, you know..”

“Lip, man..” Ian interrupts, but it’s too late.

“Look Ian. You were 15 when you were with Kash and fuck man, I remeber you telling me the same shit Tami said today. That it was different, that he wasn’t like that, that he cared about you…”

He looks at Ian now, his face hard, cigarette forgotten. He gets up and so does Lip.

“So what you came over here to tell me I was taken ‘advantage of’ or some bulshit, that I was some indefessless victim?” 

“I’m just saying what I remember, Ian.” Lip sighs before continuing. “We were kids back then. You were a kid. AND before you cut me off, just listen to me, man, please.” 

Ian doesn't leave, but he turns away from Lip.

“I know we had to grow up fast, shit I know we weren't really kids even when we were, but that doesn't mean we were grown. It doesn't mean you weren't still 15. That’s fucked up, Ian. He shouldn’t have been interested in you like that, man. Shouldn’t have gotten involved with you.” 

“Kash didn’t force me to do anything, Lip. I wanted..”

Lip had heard this before.

“The problem isn’t that you wanted to be with him, Ian. It’s that he made that a possibility for you. He was an adult, a father, he shouldn't have… he.. YOU wanting him shouldnt have mattered, he shouldn’t have acted on what you thought you wanted at 15.”

“I didn't just think..” Ian says, turning to face him

“Ian, you wouldn’t have acted on your feelings for him if he had made it clear it was never going to happen between the two of you. He allowed for it to happen, man. For you to even get that in your head. For you to think it was okay to get involved with him.”

Ian is still scowling at him, eyes hard. But he doesn't say anything.

“Look, I know I don’t have any right to be saying this, I knew you were with him and I didnt.. It’s just that I can see now, better than I did then.. and I heard Tami, how hard it was for her to realize what had actually happened. I just want .. I want you to realize that what you had with Kash wasn’t right, man. It shouldn’t have happened. And I’m sorry I didn't..”

“I don’t need your pity, Lip. Just like l didn’t need you to fucking save me ..”

Lip sighs, exhausted, exasperated. He can see this conversation is pretty much over.

“Come on, Ian, you know that’s not what I’m saying. I just want you to think about it. Think about how you’d feel if you were watching it happen to Liam or Fred. Would you want what you and Kash had for either of them? Would you be okay with that?”

The men stare at each other for a while, before finally Ian turns around and goes back inside. 

Lip doesn’t follow him. Instead, he grabs another cigarette from the pack. He’d promised Tami he’d quit smoking, and he will, but not tonight..

***  
Ian doesn’t sleep that night. 

By the time 2am rolls around he’s still wide awake. Even though he’d had a bottle of beer after his night time pills, which usually knocks him out. Even though he’d had a busy day. Still, sleep doesn’t come and eventually he stops pretending it will. 

Mickey, who’s lightly snoring next to him, has his left arm thrown around Ian’s ribs, so he tries not to move. Instead he continues to stare up at the ceiling, feeling his chest move up and down as he breathes. With the house this quiet he can still make out the distant sounds of music, proababy still from whatever bulshit his husband’s family is up to. He can hear Frank’s snore, the walls so paper thin. 

Ian can hear his thoughts. 

He’s still pissed at Lip. He still thinks the asshole doesn't know what he’s talking about. He can’t. He doesn’t know the full story. 

Expect that he’d been right, hadn't he? Sort of.. Kind of.. 

Ian probably wouldn’t have **kissed** Kash that night - when he’d asked him to stay late so he could help organize the new shipments that come in - if Ian hadn’t seen the way he smiled at him when he asked, the way his eyes seemed to glisten. If he hadn't noticed Kash’s lingering touches, the way he’d take any opportunity he could to be next to him, in his space. 

Ian thinks he probably wouldn't have **wanted** to kiss Kash if the man hadn't been so forthcoming with his compliments, if he hadn't told Ian he liked his hair longer, that he liked his build. 

Ian thinks he wouldn't have been **interested** in Kash if the man hadn’t paid extra attention to him, if he hadn't acted interested in anything Ian had to say. If he hadn't noticed when Ian seemed down or days he smiled more than usual. If he hadn’t tricked Ian into thinking he cared - that he mattered. 

If he hadn’t kissed him back that night. If he hadn’t tried to take Ian’s belt off... 

Ian closes his eyes again. His head hurts.

***

It’s not that Ian doesn’t think it’s fucked for an adult to be involved with a kid. Of course he fucking does. He knows Ned was sick. That it wasn’t okay for a grown man to go after a teenager like that. But what he had with Kash.. 

***

He needs to stop. His head hurts. He needs to go to sleep.

***

Ian tries. 

He tries not to think about the last thing Lip said to him. 

Tries not to think of Liam … of Fred… 

Ian tries. But he thinks about it anyway.

Thinks about how he’d feel if a 15 year old Liam told him he was with a 39 year old man. A 39 year old married man. A 39 year old married man who was his boss. And that they loved each other..

It makes Ian feel sick. His headache is even worse, now.

Beecause now that he’s started thinking about it, he can’t stop. 

He thinks about how he’d feel like if Liam told him it was different with this man. If Liam had been having unprotected sex with him. If Liam had been planning a future with him. If Liam..

Ian gets up. His heart racing. He needs to get up. He needs to breathe. 

He makes his way to the bathroom. _In.. Out.._

He splashes water on his face. _In.. Out.._

He looks at himself in the mirror..

He sees 15 year old Ian staring back at him. !4 year old Ian. 

_In.._

_Out.._

_In.._

_Out.._

_In.._

“IAN!”

He hears his name. He feels a touch, a hand on his shoulder. He shrugs it off forcefully. 

_In, Out.._

“Ian man, are you okay? You feeling sick or somethin’?”

Ian knows the voice he hears belongs to Mickey. He can hear that now. 

“I’m fine.” he says too quickly. His breaths are getting steadier. “I’m okay, Mick. Just felt sick. I’m okay now.” He still doesn’t turn to face his husband, and Mickey doesn’t try to touch him again. But he doesn’t leave. 

“Go lie down, man. Imma go grab you some water.”

It takes him a few more breaths before he can straighten up, walk himself back to their bedroom. He doesn't lie down though, just sits on their bed. Soon Mickey is handing him a bottle of water. “Thanks.” 

Mickey stands watching him for a bit - even when he assures him he’s better, that he’s fine - before he lays back down, still giving Ian his space. When he feels like he can't drink any more, he lies down too. Eyes still focused on the ceiling.

But with time, he turns his gaze to Mickey. He’s looking at him with a worried expression - with a fond expression - one that comes from caring about him, really caring about him. That comes from the love he feels for Ian. 

It’s a look he knows he never would have gotten from Kash. Because what they had, it wasn’t love, what Kash felt for him wasn't love, it wasn't care. It wasn’t right. Ian knows that. 

Eventually, Mick’s blinks start to look heavier, start lasting longer. Eventually he falls back asleep. But Ian is still awake.

5 A.M

6 A.M

 **Ian (6:15am):** Fuck you, Lip 

**Ian (6:17am):** But maybe you’re right..

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to note that I didn't use propper terms, (like grooming for example), because when I imagined Lip having this conversation with Ian it made sense to me that he would't. & then when I imagined Ian tryng so hard not think about it, but thinking about it anyways, It didn't make sense to me for him to get technical or even actually fully clear headed about it all. Not yet, ast least. Things like this tend to take a while to unpack, at least in my experience.  
> \-----  
> I'd love to hear your thoughts.
> 
> Talk to me over on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/mprods)


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